Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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