No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
