If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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