We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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