They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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