The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
