last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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