They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
