He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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