Say something about gay babies.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
