I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
