lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
