I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
