I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it