I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
