you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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