Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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