i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
