There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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