I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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