Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
