My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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