They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
