I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
