We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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