To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
