He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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