why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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