grandma shit on top of the toilet
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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