I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
