Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
