It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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