Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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