New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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