Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
