2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
