Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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