insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize