After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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