she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
