I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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