i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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