I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
