Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
