You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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