i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
