hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
