I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
