Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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