My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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