ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
