Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
