can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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