He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
