the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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