brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
