You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
