I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
