apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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